God IS My Provider

I am using this blog to write about how God moves in my life. I figure that miracles happen for God to be able to show just how powerful He is, but if I don't spread the word...what is the sense of working a miracle for me. Today, all of our insurance was canceled without warning. I have been on temporary assistance for over 2 years. I follow the requirements to the letter. I do not lie, cheat or go through any channels that would illegally provide more benefits for us. I do not sell my food stamps. I do not add people just to get extra money and I do not work under the table for cash and still collect welfare. I legitimately have sought employment and am also going through problems due to nerve damage in my neck arms and hands. I have severe carpal tunnel and have had surgery postponed a few times due to other illnesses and family issues.

We go through recertification every year and we just went through a new one last month. I have received no notifications from Social Services that there is an issue. Now today out of the blue I receive a letter for me and my children that Social Services has informed the insurance we are no longer eligible and in turn the insurance company has canceled our policies effective February 1. Please note today is the 3rd and we received no warning whatsoever that we were in jeopardy. My children now have no medication which they need daily. The notice came at the end of the day when social services is closed. Where do you turn? What can you do?

What I used to do was pitch a fit, treat everyone in my family like garbage and sink into a depression so deep nothing short of a whole chocolate cake (or package of oreos) would fix.

Today, while I admit I started out in panic mode, within 10 minutes I turned it over. God must be doing something. Satan may be trying to send me into a tailspin, but this time I'm going to stomp all over it. Would a loving God allow my children to become ill? No. Can this be fixed? Nothing is impossible with God. Am I angry.... OH YEAH!!! I have decided to focus my anger where it belongs.... Satan. Tired of his control over my emotions, I am endeavoring to face this latest issue with peace and even joy....

I will post back with what God does during this time because I KNOW it will be something amazing. I ask that anyone that reads this post please be kind enough to pray for us during this time. I do not have a job, nor do I have any income. If our benefits are canceled it would be scary. I believe once again God is asking me to trust that He can provide for us more than the Government or a job.

Blessings to all!!!

I'M BACK!!!!!

This blog was such a release for me and I let it go to the wayside! I tend to do that in life, just drop things. I was really getting connected and life took a turn and I jumped ship on everything. It never ceases to amaze me how quickly all the good God has done in my life can be forgotten. I am learning, daily, to NEVER forget who saved me and who I live for. I can certainly say that I understand the Israelites wandering in the wilderness. I would read Genesis and think wow what a whiny bunch of complainers look at all the miracles and signs. Yet... here am I many MANY years later a whiny complainer that quickly forgets the miracles and signs when the smallest crisis arises! Lord forgive my complaints and BAD ATTITUDE!

I found some really wonderful, inspirational sermons from Joyce Meyer and with the help of her no self-pitying attitude, I am trying to get my life back on track. So I will once again pick up my blog and write about life. Maybe noone will read it. There was a day when that was all I ever wanted was to be noticed and appreciated. Recently, I have learned that God notices and appreciates and that is all that matters.

This will be my attempt to write about life's trials and tribulations and how God is with me every step. I am on a journey of happiness and peace that is purely orchestrated by God. It may hit some rough patches, but I am going to push forward and stick with it. This year is the time to begin working from the INSIDE OUT instead of trying to fix the outsides.

Lets see what happens. I hope to meet some new friends and get some great comments and support going.

One thing is for certain, God is with me and whoever needs to read this will!

Blessings and look forward to chatting with you.

Kristin

A Place of Peace

I am enjoying the peace of the Lord! I wish that I could package this peace in boxes and give it to everyone I know (and some I don't). The present for the people that have everything...(or think they do).

As I am facing yet another "situation", and I sure do get my fair share of situations. The upside is, after each one, I am blessed with the ability to face the next with a better attitude and more tools to fight back AND WIN. Ever mindful that there is always a "next one". Which reminds me how grateful I am for the scripture that says when God is pruning us it is so we can be more fruitful.

Facing each situation with thanksgiving for the end result was a hard concept to fathom several years ago; now it is the only option for me. As I watch those people that seem so blessed with the material trappings of this world yet can never smile; I first remember to pray for them and then I rejoice and thank God that I am free from worldly possessions. (Notice the word possessions... look up possess and you will be interested to find that the definition is not something I really want as part of my life. What the world does TO us instead of FOR us.) We may own things but our possessions sometimes possess us.

I no longer have a Mercedes. I no longer have a big house. I no longer have jewelry. I no longer have antiques. I don't have collections. I don't have knick knacks. What I do have is FREEDOM. I am not bound by this world and it was my Father that allowed things to take place to show me just what is important in this life AND STUFF ain't it!!!

I am at a place of peace today. I know that my God is able to do anything! ANYTHING. I don't want to limit Him by asking for something. I want a Godly surprise. I want His will more and more each day. How I came to this conclusion....lots of PRUNING (painful pruning at that).

Prune away Lord. I sprout new limbs every day and the fruit is just waiting to burst forth. I anxiously and earnestly pray for each and every one of you to welcome the pruning and praise Him because a blessing or even more is just around the corner for you too!

Kristin

FORGOTTEN PRAYERS & UNGRATEFULNESS

My beautiful daughter Nena! Oh the lessons I am learning through the gift of being her parent. I want to share one with you today.

Nena is the "Drama Queen" or DQ, as I affectionately refer to her, of our family. (I believe I run a close 2nd!) She is the one always acting, singing, leaping in wild abandon and over dramatizing everything. She is all about having fun and loves to dress up. Unfortunately she is easily bored and we don't have much in the way of "dress-up clothes".

She had been begging me for over month (ruthlessly, as DQ's are apt to do) to get her some dress up clothes. I kept insisting that she could earn them as a reward and then only if funds permitted.

I managed to scrape up some pennies and went on ebay to see what I could find. She was doing so well in school and I wanted so much to show her how proud I was by answering this fervent, repetious (and quite relentless) request of hers.

I found one beautiful used sparkly dress with puffed sleeves that I could afford. It arrived very quickly. I couldn't wait to give it to her when she came home from school. I had it all ready to hand her with praise for her good school work when she walked in the door.

Well.... I wish I could say that this little miss just jumped through the moon, but that was hardly the case. Oh she was okay, but nothing like the actual asking for it (i.e. oh pleaaaassssse mama I want a dress-up dress so badly... oh pleassssse mommy i'll do anything for some dress up clothes please please please). You get the point.

She opened the package and said "Oh... well thanks mom but I wanted a pink one!" Went to her room and put it on and came out and repeated how sorry she was it wasn't pink.

NOW... spoiled brat thoughts aside ya'll....I realize this is a problem. We are learning with being grateful for what we get and how lucky we are to have anything at all. That isn't the entire point I am making. Read on..

I sat down at my desk this afternoon (this about 2 weeks after the dress episode) and sighed because I was having to work from my bedroom because I have been without a real office job for over 4 months. I was feeling sorry for myself that my life seemed so unstructured and how were the bills going to get paid with just a small typing job from my home. GOD SPOKE!!!

He sweetly and lovingingly in that whispered way said... "Remember all those years ago when you prayed and prayed for a job that allowed you to work your own hours from home?"

Yes, Lord, I replied.

Child, what are you doing right now?

Working from home Lord. I replied as tears of humility began to form in my eyes.

I was struck just then with so many revelations. Gently as He always does.

First, God hears ALL our prayers and answers them at the right time. Sometimes the answers come years later. In fact, at times, they come so much later, we forget we have prayed for them. We need to always be mindful of what we pray for. We are a society of praying for so much more than we actually could handle that the end result is forgetting what you are praying for and when you get something... it seems insignificant. How unfair to our precious Father who wants to much to see a happy gleam in our eye. He wants us overjoyed. Just like I wanted to see in Nena. I wanted her overjoyed with the gift.

Second, I was so completely ungrateful. Just like Nena was when I gave her the blue dress instead of pink. God gave me a gift and I was so busy with what it wasn't I couldn't see what it was. This is an amazing blessing and I was ready to just disregard it as no big deal. THIS IS A HUGE DEAL!!! I am working from home. It may not be much but 2 weeks ago I had no job, no computer, no internet, no phone, no money for bills and no prospects. Today, I have a computer and not one but 2 monitors (all donated by my former employer). I have a printer donated by someone else. I have an internet connection paid for by the company I am typing for and that came with a phone line. How could I NOT be overjoyed and SOOOO GRATEFUL! Another person donated a brand new foot pedal and headset for digital dictation. I literally have what I need to take off in a home typing/virtual assist business AND I WAS POUTING because I didn't have an office to go to!!! WHAT A SPOILED BRAT!!!

Third, I have been blessed with an opportunity that I would not have had if I had not been without work. Sometimes one can't see the blessings through the circumstances. No job = no money to me. To God no job = fresh opportunity for expansion and growth.

OH PRAISE YOU LORD!!! I am again reminded of my favorite verse "I KNOW the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you NOT to harm you." Jeremiah 29:11. How wonderful your plans to prosper.

What I have learned... Be mindful of what you pray for so WHEN (not if.... WHEN) they get answered you haven't asked for so much you don't know you are getting something you asked for. Be grateful for every little thing no matter what form it comes in. Lastly, I have learned that the best lessons to me from the Father often come through when I am parenting my own children.

Blessings ya'll and thank you so much for your prayers. They are being answered!

THE NOT SO GOOD SAMARITAN

Topic of the Week:
HELPING SOMEONE, THEN GETTING STOMPED ON (and then not being very Christian about it!!!)
OR
NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED.

Here's the story:

I was introduced about a year ago to this young woman that was having difficulties with DHR. As ya'll know my children and I have suffered greatly thanks to the "help" offered by DHR and I seemed like the logical person to try and help this lady through her grief and maybe offer some advice about how to handle what might happen. I being a new Christian saw this as an opportunity to be well CHRISTIAN! I encouraged her to come to Bible Study, my group paid for her book and she came once. I encouraged her to come to church, she came with me once and then went somewhere else. Okay, well I was a bit annoyed but realized that any step closer to God was a blessing and that my human nature of annoyance was not right.

This happened a bit more. I got phone calls for help that became very personal. I kept rescuing her, giving her a place to sleep or going to her home and counseld as best I could. Then she would go somewhere else or do the opposite of what was suggested. I got more frustrated.

About a month ago she called me as I was coming home from church. She was hysterical. For the 4th time she was leaving her husband (of less than a year). He was throwing her out (again). I took steps to get her and her little girl safely away. I made some calls and procurred her a place in a safe house. Packed her belongings and brought them to storage. Got her and her daughter out of town and felt oh so glad I could be of some help. Of course the husband called and ranted at me that day, but I handled it. Her mother-in-law and I talked a few times. All in all I felt good about helping and finally getting a resolution for her. I praised God for the ability to help all the way home. (My first mistake, I praised God after all of this but never once asked God what He wanted me to do!)

She called me a few times to let me know she was okay, but I could tell this wasn't going to work. Like always, she was going to go right back into it. That is exactly what happened. I was told by a good friend that she had seen her back at the same house she had fled from 3 weeks earlier.

Thats when "IT" got me. What exactly is "IT". IT is that imp that breeds anger, resentment, frustration and all kinds of other unseemly stuff. In other words, I forgot about being a good "sister in Christ" and forgiving and letting it go. I started huffing and puffing about the fact that she didn't even have the goodness to call me and let me know she was back. Then "IT" said... what about the gas you wasted and the day of work you missed (that you couldn't afford to) and what about all the time and effort, and what about missing out the time with your kids. YADDA YADDA YADDA. It festered and festered. BECAUSE I LET IT.

She showed up the other day with this grin on her face like nothing had ever happened. Went on and on about how everything was working out and she and her husband were looking for a house and her daughter was enrolled in the private day care in town. I maintained composure then but barely and managed to hug her and wish her well (ever mindful that God knows my heart). I breathed a sigh of relief that I got through it somewhat graciously but continued to fume.

She showed up again a day later with her daughter wanting to go to my house to get the movies she "lent" me when she and her daughter left. The way I remember she gave me the movies when she left because she couldn't take them with her and they didn't need to sit in storage when my kids could use them. I told her that I would return them, but they were mixed up with mine. I WAS FUMING... All I kept thinking was you put me through all this mess, didn't even apologize and now want your movies back that my kids have gotten attached to...in hindsight I realize, she couldn't help what she was but I was the one being petty.

Pretty awful stuff, I must say. She showed up the next morning bright and early for those movies and proceeded to insinuate that I hadn't brought them all back! Well that my dear friends was IT. After all I had done then I was going to be accused of stealing. I fell apart. I asked if she also expected me to replace any that were damaged even if I hadn't damaged them. I told her I was sorry I ever took the movies from her and that I should have minded my own business from the very beginning. Ashamedly, I got very rude and made some statements I very much regret.

Okay bottom line.. no matter how she acted... I SHOULD HAVE BEEN LIKE CHRIST! Would He have been angry... No. I also know that if I had prayed from the beginning and asked God what to do, I would have not gotten so personally involved in the life of a stranger. It reminds me of the Good Samaritan. He helped the wounded man and paid an inn keeper to tend to him til he was well. It does not say he moved into his house, invited him into his life or got his life story, fixed his marriage, adopted his kids. Well you get the point.

What I learned...

1) First when someone is in need, ask the Father HOW He wants you to help. Putting your own family at risk financially and emotionally IS NOT in the will of the Father.

2) The bible says whatever your brother asks IF YOU ARE ABLE give it. Sometimes we just aren't able. I am one of those that is forever ashamed that I am not ABLE. So I make up for it in rushing headlong into a really bad situation and "IT" is the result. I allowed Satan a chance to put YUCK all over me.

3) God allows situations to happen to see how you will handle them and also to prune those unfruitful branches. (MAN DO I HAVE A LOT OF THEM!)
4) I had to repent of my behavior and I had beg God to forgive me for being so ugly. I am ashamed and humiliated because I allowed "IT" to get to me yet again. Honestly, I am tired of having to repent for stuff. I just want to get it right the first time.

MORAL: Make sure your heart is right when you help someone. If you are only helping to feel good about yourself (God showed me that is what I have been doing), then you are opening the door for "IT".

Bless you all for reading and if you can identify or have overcome "IT" Please let me know and tell me what you did or are doing.

Praise the Almighty for His grace. I needed lots of it this week.
Love Ya'll.... Kristin

Peace Beyond ALL Understanding

This is how I've been feeling

SEE PHOTO!!!!

I withdrew from my usually upbeat self and allowed Satan and the Imps to drag me back into the Pit!

The Pit was short lived PRAISE GOD (but still existed which wasn't good).

I have many new understandings and what I feel are profound enlightenments from Hashem! I hope that over the next few weeks I can fill ya'll in as much as possible and hope that this blesses you and helps someone else NOT trip into one (pit).

I will start out today on a Victorious note. While I want to tell ya'll what happened, today is the day to celebrate a victory over the EVIL ONE and rejoice in my precious Father that brings me "peace beyond all understanding".

Many of you have prayed for me and my situation and BLESS YOU! While the situation has not changed one bit... I HAVE. A few more branches got pruned over the past 2 months and I know that, through this, new fruit is right around the corner.

Through a series of bible studies with our beloved Beth I have been reminded that God wants me to be fruitful "to bear MUCH fruit" to His Glory. Therefore anything I am going through right now is merely a growing pain. A huge, massive, whole bottle of MIDOL pain, but it will pass. I see a new season just ahead.

My precious Pastor F. W. Shepherd is doing a wonderful series on Satan's Magnificent Seven (7 Spirits of Satan that are Destroying God's People). We have gone through 2 (spirit of fear and the spirit of worry) Both have helped me LEAP out of the pit and rebuke those spirits!!! Siestas... REBUKE REBUKE REBUKE in the name of Jesus. It works better than any primal scream or Starbucks Coffee!!! Wow how wonderfully free I feel.

My faith in the Father is so revived and so clear right now, it is just awesome. I have even greater trust in Him and my prayer now is that this peace flow to each and everyone of you.

No matter what you are going through, not for one second has God left your side. Not for one second has God wanted this for you! The provision is there for all of us for this Peace. Trust in Him! Cast your cares and rejoice for the time is coming when none of this will be even a memory! Yes, I can honestly say today I have Victory over Satan. YOU CAN TOO!

THIS IS ME TODAY!!!! Praising and Thanking My Father for His gift of Peace!

Love ya'll!!! Kristin

WE NEED YOUR PRAYERS

Be who you are and say what you feel...
Because those who matter... don't mind...
And those who mind... don't matter....

I don't know who this quote comes from but I got it in a recent email and I LOVE IT!!! I was just speaking today to my daughter's teacher and we were discussing this very point. We as human's are so worried about what other people think.

I am struggling very much in my personal life right now. Pride and fear have prevented me from telling people because of what they might think. The above statement says it best.

Here is what is happening in our life right now. I need to give the testimony so when God comes in and gives everything abundantly more than I ever imagined, I can bear witness to the power of the Almighty.

I am the single mother of 2 small children. I lost them to the foster care system Christmas of 2006. They were not returned until February of 2008. During that time my children were sexually and physically abused by the foster parents. My daughter has just recently revealed to her counselor some of what happened. My heart aches for her. Now, I am faced with the same nightmare again. I have recently become unemployed. My rent is behind, electricity close to being shut off and the DHR worker let me know that they will step in if the situation becomes worse. Amazing that they will give funds to abusive foster parents rather than assist the actual parents in keeping their children. Poverty is no excuse for the government to step in and take your children, but that is what is happening right here in the good ol USA!!! Rather than help me they have funds to give foster families to support my children away from me! Lord, Lord I need you now more than ever!

I come before all of you for your prayers to our Most High. I need a job. I am willing to work. I know that our God is capable of mighty things. Lift us up ya'll and pray long and hard that God sends the help I need to keep my children. I can't bear losing them again to this dreadful, useless system.

Please keep us in your prayers!