A Place of Peace

I am enjoying the peace of the Lord! I wish that I could package this peace in boxes and give it to everyone I know (and some I don't). The present for the people that have everything...(or think they do).

As I am facing yet another "situation", and I sure do get my fair share of situations. The upside is, after each one, I am blessed with the ability to face the next with a better attitude and more tools to fight back AND WIN. Ever mindful that there is always a "next one". Which reminds me how grateful I am for the scripture that says when God is pruning us it is so we can be more fruitful.

Facing each situation with thanksgiving for the end result was a hard concept to fathom several years ago; now it is the only option for me. As I watch those people that seem so blessed with the material trappings of this world yet can never smile; I first remember to pray for them and then I rejoice and thank God that I am free from worldly possessions. (Notice the word possessions... look up possess and you will be interested to find that the definition is not something I really want as part of my life. What the world does TO us instead of FOR us.) We may own things but our possessions sometimes possess us.

I no longer have a Mercedes. I no longer have a big house. I no longer have jewelry. I no longer have antiques. I don't have collections. I don't have knick knacks. What I do have is FREEDOM. I am not bound by this world and it was my Father that allowed things to take place to show me just what is important in this life AND STUFF ain't it!!!

I am at a place of peace today. I know that my God is able to do anything! ANYTHING. I don't want to limit Him by asking for something. I want a Godly surprise. I want His will more and more each day. How I came to this conclusion....lots of PRUNING (painful pruning at that).

Prune away Lord. I sprout new limbs every day and the fruit is just waiting to burst forth. I anxiously and earnestly pray for each and every one of you to welcome the pruning and praise Him because a blessing or even more is just around the corner for you too!

Kristin

FORGOTTEN PRAYERS & UNGRATEFULNESS

My beautiful daughter Nena! Oh the lessons I am learning through the gift of being her parent. I want to share one with you today.

Nena is the "Drama Queen" or DQ, as I affectionately refer to her, of our family. (I believe I run a close 2nd!) She is the one always acting, singing, leaping in wild abandon and over dramatizing everything. She is all about having fun and loves to dress up. Unfortunately she is easily bored and we don't have much in the way of "dress-up clothes".

She had been begging me for over month (ruthlessly, as DQ's are apt to do) to get her some dress up clothes. I kept insisting that she could earn them as a reward and then only if funds permitted.

I managed to scrape up some pennies and went on ebay to see what I could find. She was doing so well in school and I wanted so much to show her how proud I was by answering this fervent, repetious (and quite relentless) request of hers.

I found one beautiful used sparkly dress with puffed sleeves that I could afford. It arrived very quickly. I couldn't wait to give it to her when she came home from school. I had it all ready to hand her with praise for her good school work when she walked in the door.

Well.... I wish I could say that this little miss just jumped through the moon, but that was hardly the case. Oh she was okay, but nothing like the actual asking for it (i.e. oh pleaaaassssse mama I want a dress-up dress so badly... oh pleassssse mommy i'll do anything for some dress up clothes please please please). You get the point.

She opened the package and said "Oh... well thanks mom but I wanted a pink one!" Went to her room and put it on and came out and repeated how sorry she was it wasn't pink.

NOW... spoiled brat thoughts aside ya'll....I realize this is a problem. We are learning with being grateful for what we get and how lucky we are to have anything at all. That isn't the entire point I am making. Read on..

I sat down at my desk this afternoon (this about 2 weeks after the dress episode) and sighed because I was having to work from my bedroom because I have been without a real office job for over 4 months. I was feeling sorry for myself that my life seemed so unstructured and how were the bills going to get paid with just a small typing job from my home. GOD SPOKE!!!

He sweetly and lovingingly in that whispered way said... "Remember all those years ago when you prayed and prayed for a job that allowed you to work your own hours from home?"

Yes, Lord, I replied.

Child, what are you doing right now?

Working from home Lord. I replied as tears of humility began to form in my eyes.

I was struck just then with so many revelations. Gently as He always does.

First, God hears ALL our prayers and answers them at the right time. Sometimes the answers come years later. In fact, at times, they come so much later, we forget we have prayed for them. We need to always be mindful of what we pray for. We are a society of praying for so much more than we actually could handle that the end result is forgetting what you are praying for and when you get something... it seems insignificant. How unfair to our precious Father who wants to much to see a happy gleam in our eye. He wants us overjoyed. Just like I wanted to see in Nena. I wanted her overjoyed with the gift.

Second, I was so completely ungrateful. Just like Nena was when I gave her the blue dress instead of pink. God gave me a gift and I was so busy with what it wasn't I couldn't see what it was. This is an amazing blessing and I was ready to just disregard it as no big deal. THIS IS A HUGE DEAL!!! I am working from home. It may not be much but 2 weeks ago I had no job, no computer, no internet, no phone, no money for bills and no prospects. Today, I have a computer and not one but 2 monitors (all donated by my former employer). I have a printer donated by someone else. I have an internet connection paid for by the company I am typing for and that came with a phone line. How could I NOT be overjoyed and SOOOO GRATEFUL! Another person donated a brand new foot pedal and headset for digital dictation. I literally have what I need to take off in a home typing/virtual assist business AND I WAS POUTING because I didn't have an office to go to!!! WHAT A SPOILED BRAT!!!

Third, I have been blessed with an opportunity that I would not have had if I had not been without work. Sometimes one can't see the blessings through the circumstances. No job = no money to me. To God no job = fresh opportunity for expansion and growth.

OH PRAISE YOU LORD!!! I am again reminded of my favorite verse "I KNOW the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you NOT to harm you." Jeremiah 29:11. How wonderful your plans to prosper.

What I have learned... Be mindful of what you pray for so WHEN (not if.... WHEN) they get answered you haven't asked for so much you don't know you are getting something you asked for. Be grateful for every little thing no matter what form it comes in. Lastly, I have learned that the best lessons to me from the Father often come through when I am parenting my own children.

Blessings ya'll and thank you so much for your prayers. They are being answered!

THE NOT SO GOOD SAMARITAN

Topic of the Week:
HELPING SOMEONE, THEN GETTING STOMPED ON (and then not being very Christian about it!!!)
OR
NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED.

Here's the story:

I was introduced about a year ago to this young woman that was having difficulties with DHR. As ya'll know my children and I have suffered greatly thanks to the "help" offered by DHR and I seemed like the logical person to try and help this lady through her grief and maybe offer some advice about how to handle what might happen. I being a new Christian saw this as an opportunity to be well CHRISTIAN! I encouraged her to come to Bible Study, my group paid for her book and she came once. I encouraged her to come to church, she came with me once and then went somewhere else. Okay, well I was a bit annoyed but realized that any step closer to God was a blessing and that my human nature of annoyance was not right.

This happened a bit more. I got phone calls for help that became very personal. I kept rescuing her, giving her a place to sleep or going to her home and counseld as best I could. Then she would go somewhere else or do the opposite of what was suggested. I got more frustrated.

About a month ago she called me as I was coming home from church. She was hysterical. For the 4th time she was leaving her husband (of less than a year). He was throwing her out (again). I took steps to get her and her little girl safely away. I made some calls and procurred her a place in a safe house. Packed her belongings and brought them to storage. Got her and her daughter out of town and felt oh so glad I could be of some help. Of course the husband called and ranted at me that day, but I handled it. Her mother-in-law and I talked a few times. All in all I felt good about helping and finally getting a resolution for her. I praised God for the ability to help all the way home. (My first mistake, I praised God after all of this but never once asked God what He wanted me to do!)

She called me a few times to let me know she was okay, but I could tell this wasn't going to work. Like always, she was going to go right back into it. That is exactly what happened. I was told by a good friend that she had seen her back at the same house she had fled from 3 weeks earlier.

Thats when "IT" got me. What exactly is "IT". IT is that imp that breeds anger, resentment, frustration and all kinds of other unseemly stuff. In other words, I forgot about being a good "sister in Christ" and forgiving and letting it go. I started huffing and puffing about the fact that she didn't even have the goodness to call me and let me know she was back. Then "IT" said... what about the gas you wasted and the day of work you missed (that you couldn't afford to) and what about all the time and effort, and what about missing out the time with your kids. YADDA YADDA YADDA. It festered and festered. BECAUSE I LET IT.

She showed up the other day with this grin on her face like nothing had ever happened. Went on and on about how everything was working out and she and her husband were looking for a house and her daughter was enrolled in the private day care in town. I maintained composure then but barely and managed to hug her and wish her well (ever mindful that God knows my heart). I breathed a sigh of relief that I got through it somewhat graciously but continued to fume.

She showed up again a day later with her daughter wanting to go to my house to get the movies she "lent" me when she and her daughter left. The way I remember she gave me the movies when she left because she couldn't take them with her and they didn't need to sit in storage when my kids could use them. I told her that I would return them, but they were mixed up with mine. I WAS FUMING... All I kept thinking was you put me through all this mess, didn't even apologize and now want your movies back that my kids have gotten attached to...in hindsight I realize, she couldn't help what she was but I was the one being petty.

Pretty awful stuff, I must say. She showed up the next morning bright and early for those movies and proceeded to insinuate that I hadn't brought them all back! Well that my dear friends was IT. After all I had done then I was going to be accused of stealing. I fell apart. I asked if she also expected me to replace any that were damaged even if I hadn't damaged them. I told her I was sorry I ever took the movies from her and that I should have minded my own business from the very beginning. Ashamedly, I got very rude and made some statements I very much regret.

Okay bottom line.. no matter how she acted... I SHOULD HAVE BEEN LIKE CHRIST! Would He have been angry... No. I also know that if I had prayed from the beginning and asked God what to do, I would have not gotten so personally involved in the life of a stranger. It reminds me of the Good Samaritan. He helped the wounded man and paid an inn keeper to tend to him til he was well. It does not say he moved into his house, invited him into his life or got his life story, fixed his marriage, adopted his kids. Well you get the point.

What I learned...

1) First when someone is in need, ask the Father HOW He wants you to help. Putting your own family at risk financially and emotionally IS NOT in the will of the Father.

2) The bible says whatever your brother asks IF YOU ARE ABLE give it. Sometimes we just aren't able. I am one of those that is forever ashamed that I am not ABLE. So I make up for it in rushing headlong into a really bad situation and "IT" is the result. I allowed Satan a chance to put YUCK all over me.

3) God allows situations to happen to see how you will handle them and also to prune those unfruitful branches. (MAN DO I HAVE A LOT OF THEM!)
4) I had to repent of my behavior and I had beg God to forgive me for being so ugly. I am ashamed and humiliated because I allowed "IT" to get to me yet again. Honestly, I am tired of having to repent for stuff. I just want to get it right the first time.

MORAL: Make sure your heart is right when you help someone. If you are only helping to feel good about yourself (God showed me that is what I have been doing), then you are opening the door for "IT".

Bless you all for reading and if you can identify or have overcome "IT" Please let me know and tell me what you did or are doing.

Praise the Almighty for His grace. I needed lots of it this week.
Love Ya'll.... Kristin

Peace Beyond ALL Understanding

This is how I've been feeling

SEE PHOTO!!!!

I withdrew from my usually upbeat self and allowed Satan and the Imps to drag me back into the Pit!

The Pit was short lived PRAISE GOD (but still existed which wasn't good).

I have many new understandings and what I feel are profound enlightenments from Hashem! I hope that over the next few weeks I can fill ya'll in as much as possible and hope that this blesses you and helps someone else NOT trip into one (pit).

I will start out today on a Victorious note. While I want to tell ya'll what happened, today is the day to celebrate a victory over the EVIL ONE and rejoice in my precious Father that brings me "peace beyond all understanding".

Many of you have prayed for me and my situation and BLESS YOU! While the situation has not changed one bit... I HAVE. A few more branches got pruned over the past 2 months and I know that, through this, new fruit is right around the corner.

Through a series of bible studies with our beloved Beth I have been reminded that God wants me to be fruitful "to bear MUCH fruit" to His Glory. Therefore anything I am going through right now is merely a growing pain. A huge, massive, whole bottle of MIDOL pain, but it will pass. I see a new season just ahead.

My precious Pastor F. W. Shepherd is doing a wonderful series on Satan's Magnificent Seven (7 Spirits of Satan that are Destroying God's People). We have gone through 2 (spirit of fear and the spirit of worry) Both have helped me LEAP out of the pit and rebuke those spirits!!! Siestas... REBUKE REBUKE REBUKE in the name of Jesus. It works better than any primal scream or Starbucks Coffee!!! Wow how wonderfully free I feel.

My faith in the Father is so revived and so clear right now, it is just awesome. I have even greater trust in Him and my prayer now is that this peace flow to each and everyone of you.

No matter what you are going through, not for one second has God left your side. Not for one second has God wanted this for you! The provision is there for all of us for this Peace. Trust in Him! Cast your cares and rejoice for the time is coming when none of this will be even a memory! Yes, I can honestly say today I have Victory over Satan. YOU CAN TOO!

THIS IS ME TODAY!!!! Praising and Thanking My Father for His gift of Peace!

Love ya'll!!! Kristin

WE NEED YOUR PRAYERS

Be who you are and say what you feel...
Because those who matter... don't mind...
And those who mind... don't matter....

I don't know who this quote comes from but I got it in a recent email and I LOVE IT!!! I was just speaking today to my daughter's teacher and we were discussing this very point. We as human's are so worried about what other people think.

I am struggling very much in my personal life right now. Pride and fear have prevented me from telling people because of what they might think. The above statement says it best.

Here is what is happening in our life right now. I need to give the testimony so when God comes in and gives everything abundantly more than I ever imagined, I can bear witness to the power of the Almighty.

I am the single mother of 2 small children. I lost them to the foster care system Christmas of 2006. They were not returned until February of 2008. During that time my children were sexually and physically abused by the foster parents. My daughter has just recently revealed to her counselor some of what happened. My heart aches for her. Now, I am faced with the same nightmare again. I have recently become unemployed. My rent is behind, electricity close to being shut off and the DHR worker let me know that they will step in if the situation becomes worse. Amazing that they will give funds to abusive foster parents rather than assist the actual parents in keeping their children. Poverty is no excuse for the government to step in and take your children, but that is what is happening right here in the good ol USA!!! Rather than help me they have funds to give foster families to support my children away from me! Lord, Lord I need you now more than ever!

I come before all of you for your prayers to our Most High. I need a job. I am willing to work. I know that our God is capable of mighty things. Lift us up ya'll and pray long and hard that God sends the help I need to keep my children. I can't bear losing them again to this dreadful, useless system.

Please keep us in your prayers!

Another Embarrassing Moment a la Siesta Summer Bible Study

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS?????

THIS IS WHAT I WAS WEARING ALL DAY YESTERDAY!!! (Yep and I didn't put it on that way either!!)

That's right dearest Siesta's this is my summer bargain pair of pants that I bought at a consignment store for $1.00. I wore them once,sent them to the cleaners and put them on yesterday for Siesta Summer Bible Study day... Good thing I went solo (although if I hadn't someone MIGHT HAVE TOLD ME!!!). It never occurred to me that I was a poster child for Summer Bargain Clothing WARNINGS!!!

I still am in shock went the whole day like this and NO ONE TOLD ME...

I was howling in laughter listening to Beth and the Bargain caution. Leggings inside out, ruffled shirt nonsense, scotch taping stuff... little knowing I was sitting down on a GAPING HOLE (with stains no less)...that could have used some of that scotch tape (more like DUCT TAPE) thank you very much.

I am ashamed to say that I got home last night and told Beth's video story perfectly and then went in my room and go undressed and saw THAT!!!!

I literally went through my whole day in slow motion wondering how many people saw that and why oh why didn't someone say anything. Is this one of those cases where they were trying to be nice or cruel hoping more people were laughing at my expense.

One ray of shining hope was the fact that I had managed to put on white underwear instead of colored so that might have hidden this monstrous HOLE!!! To top it off what is with the STAINS??? No it couldn't just be a hole....stains had to come with it.






What have we learned from this???

1. Siestas, no matter what...always tell someone they have a gaping hole in their clothing.

2. Large people should realize that they don't feel drafts like skinny people (apparently).

3. At 40 it is much easier to deal with abject humiliation.

4. It is much easier to deal with abject humiliation WHEN IT HAPPENS TO YOU ALL THE TIME!!!

5. God is truly wonderful and His sense of Humor NEVER ceases to tickle me...because this kind of humbling is just so, so, HUMBLING!!!!

6. I never should have made the ME, ME, ME comments because God has a wonderful sense of humor and will quickly help me shed my desire for fame.

7. Laugh hardest at myself! (It is so much easier to deal with complete horror and embarrasment when you laugh about it.)

8. Tell others about it so they can enjoy LIFE'S MOST EMBARRASING MOMENTS!! (I have too many to count anymore, but hope you are all identifying).

9. This fits right in with the Siesta bible study conversations... many have been talking about self-image idol and how importat image is and how other people see us. I so identify and that is why these moments just go to show that we are all HUMAN and we should be more loving and understanding because this stuff happens to everyone (or maybe it really is just ME, ME, ME)!

10. I couldn't love a group of women more or want to share my embarrasments and laugh with any bunch more than you my dear Siestas!!!

Blessings to you all from the land of TROUSER TRAUMA!!!!!

ME ME ME OR HIM HIM HIM

I just got through typing on Beth's Blog for the Siesta Summer Bible Study. It hit me like a ton of bricks. As I listened to her name off some of the blogs she read and what struck her about them, all I could think of was will she talk about me me me!!! FAME!!!! A horrific idol. It never struck me before but I crave attention. I don't know why. I was adopted that supposedly plays a part in it for me. I was never liked as a kid even though I tried sooooooo hard to be cool and funny! I am certainly not popular as an adult either but OHHH how hard I try to be liked and favored. God is trying to tell me something... Ya THINK!!!

FAME is an idol because it is human attention I am craving and it should be God's!!! God has granted me the gift of song... I love to sing, but do I use it for His glory or mine. God has granted me a sense of humor (sarcastic at times but funny nonetheless). God has granted me the ability to write (grammar and spelling aside...) I love to write, but am I writing for His glory or mine. It is therapy for me, me, me, but I need to find how I can turn that into a help ministry. I have always wanted to use the trials in my life to help in some way. BELIEVE YOU ME I have been granted plenty of trials so I could help.

My desire is really to make a difference, but HOW! It sure isn't going to help having Me Me Me syndrome. So onward with Bible Study....onward toward defeating self and living for HIM HIM HIM!!!!

Love ya'll!!!

COLLEGE!!!!

Okay ya'll this is truly one of those times in life where I just have to say... THIS IS ALL GOD!!! I don't even know how it happened. One day I was in a Bible Study, my first ever, in fact. It happened to be Beth Moore's The Patriarchs. I FELL IN LOVE. God sent such a hunger into my very soul... I just can't describe it any other way. I just couldn't stop wanting to know more and more and more and more!!! Its like a lightbulb went off in my head and all of the sudden stuff clicked. What used to be arcaic language and Shakespearan lethargy.....is now fluid and concise. The how art thou's MADE SENSE. Am I talking to anybody. In fact, if it didn't make sense, I wanted to go look it up somewhere else and then somewhere else and then realized. I want an education on this stuff.

Before I knew it, I was online surfing under Bible Study Education and wound up filling out a form for online Christian Education. I didn't think anything of it, just figured I would get a brochure or e-mail with information. Instead I got a barrage of phone calls and emails from this real live person that said.....we can get this funded for you. The persistence of this young man had to come from God. Any other time, the persistence would have ticked me off. This time, I don't know any other way to explain....DOORS JUST KEPT OPENING. For those you that have experienced weird phenomenon you can identify with this!!! I did not plan on going back to college.

I am an accomplished and experienced Real Estate Paralegal. I am beginning a home business with Prepaid Legal Services and LOVING IT and all of the sudden I am back in school.... HUH??? I am still puzzled at how this happened but smile at the mystery of my precious Father. HOW GREAT THOU ART!!!!

I am beginning to realize that paralegaling might not always be my career. I am also feeling the pull from the Holy Spirit to focus on THE WORD!!! It is not only for myself, but I am guessing He is about to reveal a higher purpose for me. I might add to Him FINALLY!!!!!! (Just kidding Lord... a little humor only!)

Anyway... my dear siestas, readers, friends and family PRAY FOR ME! I am almost 41. A single mother of 2 small children, barely making a living (actually not at all) and entering College. YIKES!

Thank you dearest Father for granting me the prayer of Wisdom. Gaining wisdom comes through knowledge and experience and you are offering me a chance for both. How awesome you are.

College....good grief.

EDWARD'S BIRTHDAY

Make a Smilebox slideshow

The greatest days are the birthdays of my children. This is the day God blessed me with my son. I am so completely grateful to the Most High. Today is another reminder to me that... no matter how much is going wrong some things are VERY VERY RIGHT!!!!

PRAISE YOU LORD FOR MY PRECIOUS SON & DAUGHTER.

Dearest Heavenly Father, Today is the birthday of my youngest child. As a single mommy, there are so many things that concern me about raising this child. I ask that you bless him abundantly. I ask that where I fall short, you step in. Your care is unsurpassed and I know that you will provide for this your child and mine in great and wonderful ways. May he be a blessing to you and a servant. I pray that you instill a desire for you NOW TODAY. May his heart grow ever searching for You, Oh Lord. Bestow wisdom, kindness, gentleness, obedience, grace, health and wealth to him. Lord, we trust in you and worship you. Me and my house will serve you faithfully all the days of our lives til we meet our Savior in the clouds.

AMEN!!!

GOOD GRAVY WHAT HAPPENED TO DISCIPLINE

This gorgeous creature is my precious and precocious daughter Nena Marlene. She is 8. She is the family Attorney. Edward, the comedian, I introduced previously.

Ladies, Siestas a little help here. Encourgement please.

God blessed me greatly with 2 brilliant, beautiful and healthy children. Along with brilliance comes the following: they think they know more than you (and sometimes do which stinks); they always have an opinion (when no opinion was asked for); they will not take no for answer; bottom line they THINK!!!! How wonderful and how FRUSTRATING!!!! This child (diagnosed ADHD) runs me ragged and her brother as sweet and charming as he is is now turning 2!!! HELP!

I would just appreciate any advice or encouragement from those of you out there on DISCIPLINE. I am not opposed to spanking, in fact, I believe that is what is wrong with kids these days... the world has taught them that they have more rights than parents. If they don't like what mommy and daddy do to discipline, we will report them!!! Good grief..and the law wonders why more children are killing and being killed, more drugs, more teenage pregnancies, no respect for authority!!! The other day at a church function, I had a child litteraly refuse to acknowledge me when I said hello to her and in fact she rolled her eyes and humphed...My mother would have torn me up had I disrespected an adult in such a fashion... but kids these days think nothing of adults...no respect of authority! I am scared to death of their influence on my children. I for one still believe in yes ma'am and yes sir, when adults speak YOU DON'T, sit at the table, napkin in the lap, mind your manners in public and at all times be courteous to your elders....and peers! The snobbery of todays youth is out of control and where do they get it... THE PARENTS!!

Did I miss the memo?? When did manners and respect stop applying??? My daughter is so opinionated it takes everything I have not to just scream the roof off....

Be creative, send me your best stuff... what have ya'll done to discipline. What do you believe God wants us to do to raise our children to respect authority.

THE GREAT CHURCH DILEMMA UPDATE (EATING HUMBLE PIE AGAIN!!!!)

A few posts back, I wrote about some difficulties in Church. Well... God, the Stepping Up Bible Study and the Pastor's wife got ahold of me yesterday and these are the results.

God spoke to me directly last night and touched on a few things that are hard to swallow. I know that if He chastises me He loves me!!! BOY DOES HE LOVE ME!!!!

FIRST - I need to get over myself and toughen my skin before He can do anything.

SECOND - I need to get over myself and forgive all the wrongs. Yep they were wrongs...but
I am compounding the wrongs by talking about them and letting them fester.

THIRD - I need to get over myself and remember...I am one of the picked-on, laughed at and
talked about. As such I should be more understanding of others and not pick on, talk about or laugh at anyone.

FOURTH - I need get over myself and get back to Church for protection from Satan who is
really working on me these days... (I expect something awesome anytime now...gotta hang in there!) Still gonna look for new church home but in the meantime.... I'll be in a pew.

FIFTH - THE WORD, PRAYER, BIBLE STUDY, SIESTAS, FRIENDSHIP, LAUGHTER are
pieces of armor to protect myself from Satan and his forces. I need to use them more.

SIXTH - God has perfect timing.... my timing is WAYYYY OFF! Pray for patience.

SEVENTH - SEED ENCOURAGEMENT.....ENCOURAGE EVERYONE!!! I know I sure need it very much and maybe if I give more, I'll get more myself.

I appreciate all of you that wrote back to me. I appreciate friendship most of all. I wish I had giant rubber arms to reach around and squeeze each and every one of you that I am meeting and who are reading my blog and identifying with me. It is such a huge thing to be understood and for people to ENCOURAGE you!

Last night's meeting was inspirational. I also am involving myself in the Summer Bible Study via emails with new friends in RI and NC and that is going to be great fun, but sadly I won't be able to enjoy any of the recipes (my kids are PICKYYYYYY). Wash the sauce off spaghetti o's picky!!! Its tough to love to cook and have noone to cook for.

I checked out Kelly Minter's website. It's adorable. I would love someone to teach me how to build a website. I am a graphic designer (from the old days and can design things but don't know how to get them on a site...CSS, HTML, blah blah (its all geek to me)! Anyone out there want to help a Siesta out I sure would appreciate it.

Love Ya'll!!! MARANATHA

FROM VICTIM TO VICTOR

I am going through something very serious and traumatizing. For those of you that read my blog, it is my hope that you will pass this along. Talk to others about it. If you know someone that might be going through this, share it. If you know someone that has become victorious over it PLEASE SEND THEM MY WAY. I wish I could say I am over it, but ashamedly I am not. I have not gotten to the place of acceptance or forgiveness and I am beseeching all of you to reach out to this war weary siesta! I want to be a VICTIM NO MORE!

This is the story of abuse, it may get graphic, I don't know, depends on what I am led to write. There are real people, men and women, that have spouses or are in relationships with people that suffer from this devastating illness. It is called paranoid delusional jealousy disorder or "Othello Syndrome". There is not much I can find written about it, but I am a victim of one such person. He will not get help. He is free today to walk the streets and potentially harm someone else. I pray and ask you all to lift fervent prayers for this man! He needs a great move of God. My safety may depend on it and most definitely his next relationship's safety will depend on it.

This story is painful to tell but 100% true. I am asking God to be with me as I type this. I am doing this to reach out to others that may have suffered or be suffering. In order to move on...sometimes you just gotta release it all and leave it at the cross. I have never really told anyone the whole story as I am about to because, well, its pretty frightening and in some cases embarrassing.

I have spent most of my life in the pit of victimization. Emotional abuse, physical abuse, mental cruelty. Along with that comes the guilt, self-loathing, mental anguish, depression, etc. I cried and cried and turned to many avenues for comfort, food, drugs, alcohol, sex and over spending. I wound up emotionally and physically bankrupt. BROKEN! BROKEN! BROKEN!

Broken finds broken and most of the relationships of my life, both male and female were broken and unhealthy. I was used and couldn't figure out what on earth I was doing to cause people to treat me that way. This is still a huge issue for me. I try and be as kind and giving and loving as I can. What is my problem?

The worst of the worst took place Thanksgiving of 2006. I was stuck in one of the many evil pits of my life and miserable. In yet another ridiculous relationship with a man that only used me for the money I had and the partying life I could provide. Along came JR. I am not using names but for expediency initials will do. (JR is really fitting too! for those of you that ever watched Dallas).

JR was just about the best looking thing I had ever laid eyes on. He was smooth, won me instantly with romantic, mushy stuff that I so love. 3 weeks later... the first scare. We were at the house of a friend of his (admittedly we both had serious drug issues and partied). JR was leaning up against me and I was in heaven... totally adored this man. The man who owned the house was sitting in a chair in front of where JR and I were sitting he turned around and just smiled at us and turned back to face the TV. JR hopped up and stared at me in the most awful, frightening way and said what are you 2 talking about? He was furious. Insisting that this man that I barely knew was whispering to me and I was whispering back. I was stunned speechless. I had never spoken a single word. I had not opened my mouth, not once. I assumed it was the partying and insisted he was mistaken and let it go. I was unnerved but still totally in "love".

Some time went by that we were completely alone and did not go anywhere so I didn't realize this was not a one time deal! A month later he introduced me to another friend of his. This time we were all at a motel. Partying. Everything was amicable just a couple of sick people chatting and hanging out. I went to the bathroom. I come out and JR wants to know why I didn't close the door when I went. (I most certainly had closed the door.) I told him he was mistaken. No he insists that I opened the door and then closed it and then opened it. On and on it went. He told me that my eyes better not leave his. I was not to speak to that man or look him in the eyes again. I was miserable and frightened. I had not done anything. Kept my eyes glued to JR the remainder of th evening and felt a fool because the other man had no idea what was going on and couldn't figure out why I wouldn't answer him when he spoke....it was not the first time this would happen. (It was however the incident that led him to constantly belittle me, call me a liar, a cheater, a slut and everything else he could think of and used this non-existent instance to base all other non-existent instances.)

I went through many, many episodes like this. It got to the point where I was afraid to go anywhere but if I didn't go with him, he would accuse me of having men at the house while he was gone. It got so bad at one point that he insisted people were living in the ceiling of my house tormenting him. (He ripped the ceiling down and barracaded the doors and windows) He really believed someone was watching us and living in a drop ceiling. He kept digital camera memory cards in his pocket at all times insisting they were full of pictures that were supposedly of me doing "bad things" but the photos were of shadows, corners of rooms or nothing. He frequently (and I believe on purpose) misplaced these chips and then accused me of erasing what was on them. He would insist people were writing messages to me on mirrors of the car, hotel room mirrors, bathroom mirrors. I was terrified, trapped and helpless. Who would believe this stuff? I was beaten up for imagined things, constantly accused of immorality, disgusting things that I would never conceive of doing. If the phone rang and it was a wrong number, he was certain it was lover calling for a tryst. I dreaded the phone ringing. If a car pulled in the driveway to turn around, it was someone there to pick me up. I rode in a taxi once to the hospital for my son and when I returned he accused me of being with the taxi driver (who was the most disfigured person I had ever seen). On and on and on it went. Months and months of being trapped. I was totally demoralized and I had become scared of EVERYTHING. At one point he held me hostage in a hotel room watching a microwave oven insisting that people were projecting pornographic images of me into the screen from the walls. This is not a joke! This was my reality and it was beyond comprehension! I didn't know how to escape. JR had me convinced there was nowhere to go or hide and he would never let me go.

THE MOVE (I now call God's Answer to Prayer) He brought me to his home town. I guess he figured there would be no escape for me. God had other plans, thank you Abba Father. I found the Most High through my terror and brokeness. He heard my cries of anguish and fear. I met a wonderful lady (the realtor that now is my friend and boss) and she and one of her sisters saw to it that I got to church! Things began to happen. I was getting hurt more and more. He was getting drunk daily. He went after me one night and choked me for something he imagined and I got away and fled the house in my nightgown. I didn't know what to do. I knew noone. I called his mother and told her I had to call the police. She told me to "stay in the woods that night" and when he sobers up and leaves in the morning for work...get my stuff and move back to Birmingham. He had the vehicle and all the money so that was not possible. I was trapped. He would threaten to hurt me, have me disappear if I left him and believed him. He claimed his family owned the town and everyone would think I was crazy.

On and on it went. I was dragged across the yard of one home we rented. I was choked, slapped, hair pulled, thrown to the floor, into doors, head banged against walls and floors. The worst was the accusations! Mental torment is far worse.

The final straw came when I was just on the verge of getting my children home. I was with a member of my church picking up my children in Birmingham for an unsupervised visit. We get home with the kids and the house was empty, my vehicle gone. Later that evening JR shows up at the house on foot and bleeding from my mouth, saying my car was on fire... it wasn't i found out later, that was just to get me to open the door. I did, called the police to notify that my vehicle was on fire (I didn't know it was a lie at the time)... During the hour and half wait for the police and ambulance he attacked me, choked me, accused me of being in orgies, smashed my furniture, threw things through windows, glass shattering, hair pulled out in chunks and beaten with a metal rod from a shoe rack over something I did not do. Turns out in a violent rage he destroyed my vehicle and managed to calm himself before he arrived at my door. My home was destroyed and I was almost choked to death in a rage over another imagined relationship. I finally had enough God given strength to say NO MORE. God saved me. My daughter slept through the whole thing mercifully and my son although awake and screaming, was unharmed... ANGELS must have been everywhere in that house!!!! God thank you so much for saving me.

I had him arrested. 4 months went by we finally went to court and he denied the whole thing. I had pictures of me, bruised. My car, totaled. My house, ransacked. He said he didn't do it. I did! He claims I was having an affair and I did all that when I got caught!!! It still hurts me to know that he to this day blames me for everything. He can't acknowledge that he is sick and worse his family is funding him.

I lost everything again. Home destroyed, vehicle totaled. 2 children to support. The judge slapped him on the wrist. Gave him time served (3 months) for nearly killing me. Ordered an anger management course and probation. A fine of $571.00 to be paid by June for nearly $5,000.00 in damages. AND HE APPEALED IT! His family paid for an appeal rather than pay for what he had done.

This is where my frustration and disbelief is focused right now!!! How do I even begin to get over this? How can I move on when it continually is forced into my view. How do you go on knowing people believe untruths about you? Now with an appeal I have to go to court again! If I don't, he has won and everyone will believe him and that just makes me sick to my stomach! How can I walk away and let this happen? Is that what God wants? I am sick to death of this insanity and don't know what to do.

The world has not been supportive, but then again the world is for Satan anyway. There is hope in our Heavenly Father. I am searching for a way to overcome. Can you help me or can I help you???? I hope together we can come to a way to become VICTORS not VICTIMS!!!!!

Please feel free to write. Ask questions, make comments or advice always welcomed. AND THANK YOU FOR LISTENING AND READING!!!

TRUST IN GOD

I felt the need to jot this post based on a reading this morning in my devotional and yet another situation I am facing. It makes a tremendous amount of sense to me. Forgive me if I don't get it across right, but this is an AWAKENING from God. (I just love those special AWAKENINGS I know are meant for me at just the right time!) Here it is....

Jesus did not put any faith in man! He had faith in the Father who could do all things. Well DUH!!!!! You might think I am nuts, but honestly, it makes complete sense. Jesus loves us unconditionally because He knows we are incapable of perfection. We just can't do it and therefore we need HIM!!!! (Can't you see the lightbulb over my head!!!)

I have never been able to make friends easily. I usually feel misunderstood and can't stand confrontation. Most of my life I have been a victim in one way or the other. I try and be nice to everyone. Smile all the time. Laugh, even when I am hurt. (I get hurt a lot.) Time and again I wind up completely trusting something or someone and wind up in a HUGE MESS!!!

Recent example... I have been trying to start a website for quite some time. I diligently sought someone that could help since I can't even make my blog look good!!! (Any suggestions ladies..) I wanted to work with a Christian, someone that would understand my point of view. I had specific ideas. Well... this person sent me an email loaded with scripture and how he was the right person for the job. I tried my best to be completely upfront. I saved every document he sent me. I paid as requested (He set up a payment plan to help me with cost.) Doesn't this all seem perfect!!! WRONG.... I sent money, made all my payments and to this day all I have received are empty promises and insults about how I am unprofessional. I asked for a refund, got a scathingly insulting email. This is one of those people that can insult you and make you feel guilty and horrible and he is in the wrong!!!! You know the people I am talking about. The ones that confront you and get ugly and personal nasty and make a person feel bad or ugly. Make you think you have done something horrible (even when you haven't).

Well these type of people have had the power to make me feel guilty about EVERYTHING and I am sick to death of feeling guilty and powerless. I have been a walking doormat to0 long in my life and God gave me the answer today. (Its about time!!!!) Put your complete trust in God alone and know that people (whether they mean to or not) are not able to be completely trustworthy.

Now this is not to say that you shouldn't make friends, trust and love, quite the contrary. It frees you to do just that without the expectation of complete perfection. Am I making sense to anyone? I confuse myself sometimes, but I am just feeling so free right now.

Bottom line, rather than continue to email bash and get no where, I just turned it over to God. Through this post am making a reminder to pray to the Lord for everything, do the footwork and let Him sort the rest out.

What bothers me is that I am supposed to pray blessings on this guy and forgive and move on. I NEED A SCRIPTURE!! Any suggestions from the siestas... what do ya'll do when someone uses you, takes advantage, insults you and walks all over your good intentions!

Loving all of you and can't wait to hear your advice!!!

I just love God!!!! I can't say enough about reading the Word. Something new, some secret that unlocks the door to something better is just waiting for the grabbing. I love it! Praise God!

Love you siestas!

K

EVER HAD ONE OF THOSE DAYS

THANK HEAVEN FOR HUMOR!!!

My son, Edward is one of my blessings from God.

While seeking relief from a nervous breakdown and fervently praying for guidance... I downloaded some pictures from the camera and was loading them on the web and came across this one one ---------------->

I am dealing with some pretty serious personal issues. Financially we are deeply burdened and being a single mom that brings issues I can't even begin to fathom at this moment.

Some of you kind ladies have read my church dilema and THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR LOVING AND KIND WORDS!!!!!

This is just how I am feeling.. I want to hide my head from the world.

I realized upon reflection, this little guy and his sister are the very reasons I can't do that. Not only that, but this little bundle of wonder, my comedian, and his gorgeous sister are a gift from God of joy and happiness. He wasn't hiding his head he was being funny!!! That made me laugh and in my opinion other than the "Most High" there is no better medicine than laughter. (Even when we don't feel like laughing.)

This was a gentle reminder to me that while life can often cause the "Turtle" effect of hiding our heads in fear, God tells us we SHALL BE VICTORIOUS over suffering, trials, problems and worries. I can choose to be depressed and allow Satan yet another victory or I can choose to laugh and be joyful in the knowledge that the Lord my God said I will triumph. He promised us seasons of all types! Mine is winter at the moment but... Praise the Lord!!! Spring is right around the corner!!!!

I wish I could quote scriptures as so many of you wonderful "siestas" can. I am a work in progress and that will come with the study I am undertaking. However, I choose to believe the promises of the "Word". I am promised joy. I am promised peace. I am promised abundantly more than I ever imagined. I am promised happiness. Most importantly I am promised eternal life through my blessed savior Jesus. How lucky I am.

FAINT NOT....for we shall reap in DUE SEASON!!!!! Pray for SPRING for me darling siestas!!!!
This is the day that the Lord has made.
I SHALL rejoice and BE GLAD IN IT!!
Bless ya'll!

The Great Church Dilemma

I am appealing to my Siestas out there for advice, prayer and whatever else they care to offer. Here is the situation.

I am living in a small town (WAY SMALL). That probably says it all to some of you. As a big city girl, I found coming here to be a blessing, an escape, a peaceful kinda thang!!! I was warned early on by a few kind friends... be careful!!! Don't talk to anyone, don't let people know your business. Well, good grief, I really didn't think too much of it, because I learned a hard lesson long ago "The World Does Not Revolve Around Kristin"! I lived in big cities where my problems were insignificant to the masses. Well around here, boy howdy, I guess I could become "HEADLINES". The one place I felt safe discussing issues and problems became the one place that was the WORST! I have since stopped going to Church and, in fact, am seriously considering whether I really belong here or whether God has other things in mind.

While not going into too many details because this IS a small town and who knows who is reading this Blog, my private pain and personal life has been run through the gossip mill. Things that happened one way are being told in an entirely different way. In fact, I was told one specific person from my church congretation is telling other people "Stay away from her and her family." WOW!!! It sent me back to my school days when no one liked me and the harder I tried to be friendly the worse it got.

I am back to second guessing who I am and what my purpose is. I am sad, angry, frightened, confused and down right irritated all at the same time. I am also frustrated because being angry at being judged is making me JUDGE OTHERS!!! AGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!

What does scripture say about Church specifically? I still believe God is non-denominational despite attempts of Satan to the contrary. Do I have to go to Church? Can I homechurch??? Can I church hop? What do you do when your reputation is harmed and things are being said that are absolutely unfair and untrue? What do you do when the rumors contain truths that have been twisted? Do you fight back? Ask God for revenge? Ask God for mercy for them "for they know not what they do"?

This is a serious situation and frankly, I am scared to death. I hate sitting in church. I no longer enjoy worshipping and praising around these people. I feel watched and scrutinized and judged (and dear siestas it is NOT my imagination... I really am). One person even made a comment when I sent my children to church without me with my ex-husband..."Your kids have never behaved better!!!" OUCH! This person actually called me to let me know that my kids behaved better with me not there. Another person's child actually was rude to me at a social function and literally stared down her nose at me and turned her back and rolled her eyes when I said hello to her. This is what we are teaching our children by gossip. They hear what we say about others and then in public settings they behave in a completely inappropriate manner. Now I know this is a child but her behavior was UNBELIEVABLE. Do you tell the parent? Or do you act like a grown-up and ignore this ugliness like I am trying to teach my daughter? (Who by the way is getting snubbed too!!)

Maybe I am being petty and small, but these are just a few examples and there are LOTS more but they just don't bare repeating any further than what I have poured out to God.

The issue is what do I do? I am thankful for any comments and pray God will send me some wisdom through you!

Blessings to all!!!

COOKING, BETH MOORE & MY LIFE

I have been stumbling lately. No not in the Christian sense in fact I love God more and more each day. No "Stumble" is this new site I have fallen in love with. (May not be new to anyone else but new to me.) I LOVE IT!!! You download the toolbar onto your internet explorer. You add categories of interest to you (and you can block adult and inappropriate material AWESOME) and then "Stumble". You click the stumble button and the computer randomly pics something to pull up and then you can rate it, save it... whatever. This morning's stumble was this fantastic site called "TasteSpotting". Not only is the site a feast for the eyes with fantastic pictures, but the gourmet goodies and craft ideas are fantastic. This site may not be new to ya'll but it sure was inspiring to me. On that note, the Living Proof Siestas, have been blogging about the culinary masterpieces Melissa has been creating lately and I thought of her and her efforts when looking at this site. I of course, jumped on the band wagon and sent the site information via comment to the LPM Blog!!! I absolutely adore the Siestas. Ya'll are amazing, inciteful, REAL and funny.

My mother taught me the love of cooking and more importantly the art of collecting and reading cookbooks. I am impressed by Melissa's magnificent attempts at creativity. I am inspired to try things I have always wanted but feared due to failure or frustration. In fact, Melissa has inspired me in general. I have spent my life not attempting things. I am a sensitive person and hesitate to try things for fear of failure. One more pit Satan has sunk me into and today I am REVOLTING the pits!!!! Beth Moore thanks for the awesome Pit books!!!!!

I admire you creative ladies. I am in awe of God's gifts that He so generously bestows on us and pray fervently to Him for the ability to try new things and see how they turn out. Pray for me! I am charting unchartered waters here, but plan on succeeding.

God is For Everyone

I started blogging and writing a while ago and realized I was writing to "impress" people with Christianity I am.... sorry everyone...wrong approach. God is impressive without my help. I am a miracle of God and He does not need me to impress you.

I am a human being trying to make it to heaven and suffering just like everyone else trying to make it to heaven. For those of you out there that are just plain suffering....SUFFER FOR THE LORD it is a much better way to go.

I truly empathize and care very much for those out there depressed, financially burdended, hurt, picked on, used, abused, misunderstood, sad, angry, empty, lonely and unsaved....I am right there with you but with one difference, when I die I will go to Heaven thanks to my salvation through Jesus Christ. For those of you that might read this that have not decided to invite Christ in your life or poo poo God or church or the Bible... please look at it from a different point of view. I beg of you!

Life is hard enough, but its even worse without having something to look forward to. At the very least I have heaven to look forward to. If i believed all this time and it turns out that I was wrong (which I'm not), then I am no worse off, but I think of all of you that have suffered so much and when you die and think you are going to find peace in death... you won't because the ONLY WAY TO PEACE, JOY & EVERLASTING LIFE is through BELIEF in Jesus Christ. I truly ache for my brothers and sisters out there that have not found FAITH!!!!

Okay, let me put this yet another way...because as you can tell I talk ALOT. I used to blame God for all the bad stuff in my life. God is punishing me, God is mad at me, God is trying to teach me a lesson....only to find out that just about every bad thing that has happened is a direct result of Satan! When I stopped fighting God and began to fight Satan, things began to take on a different perspective. It is a much better battle and you will gain some much needed sanity. I personally like knowing I am fighting on the winning team. PUT ON THE FULL ARMOR OF GOD!

If you want proof of the existence of God...look at the wonderful world He created. Read the Bible and learn about history. If you like Drama - God is the DRAMA KING!!!! You like intrigue read about Joseph. Now there was a blessed man and yet look how he suffered. For that matter JOB! Now there is a case and study on total disaster!

If you need proof of the existence of Satan...look at what is being done to the world God created. Little by little we are being fooled into believing that God causes death, sickness, poverty, snobbery, greed, sadness. My friends it is SATAN! He is the Prince of Darkness and all those things are dark, evil. I honestly have to say that the more I open my heart to God the more I am shown just how much Satan had me fooled. Trapped in a pit of depression and oppression.

I was a bi-polar, addicted, depressed, overweight, sad, frightened, physically and mentally abused, messed up, frightened, misunderstood, lonely person. One day God took me into His care and said CHILD... stop and read my WORD. This is my motto. Through good times and bad for all you out there:

JEREMIAH 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

PEACE BE WITH YOU ALL. May you truly know that I am your friend and so is God.

THE PASSING OF A FRIEND

I hate to start off the first blog on a sad note, but that is the way it is going to happen. My precious, dear, darling "Stitch" passed away in my arms this morning and I am just stricken with grief. The story below is long but with purpose. You see, this dog, symbolized my life! His rescue was just one way God allowed me to do something kind!

Stitch came to us suddenly, appearing out of nowhere. My family and I were on our way on an outing and to bring my ex-husband to work. We pulled out our dirt driveway and there stumbling along the road was this pathetic grayish white object, weaving like a drunk along the road directly in front of our drive. I had never seen this dog before and he appeared as if out of thin air. He stumbled slowly and kept looking around. "This poor creature needs me" was my first motherly instinct and I watched in horror as a large truck came barreling down the road, just narrowly missing him. He stumbled back a few steps as we drove by and I wanted to stop. My ex-husband ever the practical one said, that dog has mange and everything else Kris...not a good idea. I insisted as did my daughter from the back seat, "DADDY!!!!" please stop and help him. So he finally stopped and got out and called the dog but he refused to come (not that he attempted very hard). He got back in the car and drove off. We dropped "daddy" off at his destination and went to church.

We headed home and there to my amazement STILL in the road was this same pathetic dog. Now at this point, he should have disappeared or moved on, but he was basically stumbling in the same exact spot he was when we left. I pulled ahead and stopped the car. A truck was coming our way and headed straight for the dog (It ceases to amaze me how callous people can be.). I guess my presence detered the driver and he narrowly missed hitting him. I called this poor thing and he just stopped dead in his tracks and waited for me to come. I scooped this poor creature up and carried him to the car. He just relaxed in my arms and appeared content.

Now, I have to admit, this dog looked beyond hideous. He had no fur on his whole bottom or back legs. His skin was raw, black and red. His toenails grotesquely overgrown. Fur hanging over his face so he could barely see and his teeth and breath.... well anyway. I brought the creature home and gave it water and food. I kept it out on the porch that evening because he just looked sickly and I didn't want my children or our other dog, Bitsy, to get sick.

My daughter and I lovingly prayed over the dog that evening. Nena asked God to please make him well and not be too sick so we could keep him. She asked for all his sickness to be cured by the morning so he could live with us. She believed that God would do this. That childlike faith I pray daily for. It made me cry in gratitude for her faith and her belief.

Morning dawned and I packed this poor creature into my car. He laid in my arms and didn't move or wimper. We traveled to the vet. Never was there a more pathetic little thing and I feared the worse. I had prayed with my daughter and was praying again as I went inside.

MIRACLES>>>> God answered our prayer and the sweet little thing was diagnosed with a flea allergy and NOTHING ELSE. Now I promise you this dog had everything when we picked it up off the road. PRAISE GOD He heals animals as well.

God sent me several reminders through this experience. First...whether it is people or animals, we are all God's creatures and each is deserving of kindness love and assistance. Second...every thing we do from our heart, no matter how small, is pleasing to God. Third, never be so busy in life to recognize a "God Moment". Nothing is more worthwhile than being of help to someone or something!!!

We welcomed this broken, sickly little creature with love and gratitude. Why did I do it? He was me! I was broken, run down, sickly, abandoned, without family and starving for something to fill me. Christ accepted me as I was, in that pathetic, ugly state and loved me anyway.

My darling Stitch, you brought much joy and many blessings through your brief presence with us. My dearest hope is that you were loved and comforted enough in your last days. My you be waiting on me and mine with my welcoming comittee when I finally reach my heavenly destination. We love you and will miss you!