ME ME ME OR HIM HIM HIM

I just got through typing on Beth's Blog for the Siesta Summer Bible Study. It hit me like a ton of bricks. As I listened to her name off some of the blogs she read and what struck her about them, all I could think of was will she talk about me me me!!! FAME!!!! A horrific idol. It never struck me before but I crave attention. I don't know why. I was adopted that supposedly plays a part in it for me. I was never liked as a kid even though I tried sooooooo hard to be cool and funny! I am certainly not popular as an adult either but OHHH how hard I try to be liked and favored. God is trying to tell me something... Ya THINK!!!

FAME is an idol because it is human attention I am craving and it should be God's!!! God has granted me the gift of song... I love to sing, but do I use it for His glory or mine. God has granted me a sense of humor (sarcastic at times but funny nonetheless). God has granted me the ability to write (grammar and spelling aside...) I love to write, but am I writing for His glory or mine. It is therapy for me, me, me, but I need to find how I can turn that into a help ministry. I have always wanted to use the trials in my life to help in some way. BELIEVE YOU ME I have been granted plenty of trials so I could help.

My desire is really to make a difference, but HOW! It sure isn't going to help having Me Me Me syndrome. So onward with Bible Study....onward toward defeating self and living for HIM HIM HIM!!!!

Love ya'll!!!

EVER HAD ONE OF THOSE DAYS

THANK HEAVEN FOR HUMOR!!!

My son, Edward is one of my blessings from God.

While seeking relief from a nervous breakdown and fervently praying for guidance... I downloaded some pictures from the camera and was loading them on the web and came across this one one ---------------->

I am dealing with some pretty serious personal issues. Financially we are deeply burdened and being a single mom that brings issues I can't even begin to fathom at this moment.

Some of you kind ladies have read my church dilema and THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR LOVING AND KIND WORDS!!!!!

This is just how I am feeling.. I want to hide my head from the world.

I realized upon reflection, this little guy and his sister are the very reasons I can't do that. Not only that, but this little bundle of wonder, my comedian, and his gorgeous sister are a gift from God of joy and happiness. He wasn't hiding his head he was being funny!!! That made me laugh and in my opinion other than the "Most High" there is no better medicine than laughter. (Even when we don't feel like laughing.)

This was a gentle reminder to me that while life can often cause the "Turtle" effect of hiding our heads in fear, God tells us we SHALL BE VICTORIOUS over suffering, trials, problems and worries. I can choose to be depressed and allow Satan yet another victory or I can choose to laugh and be joyful in the knowledge that the Lord my God said I will triumph. He promised us seasons of all types! Mine is winter at the moment but... Praise the Lord!!! Spring is right around the corner!!!!

I wish I could quote scriptures as so many of you wonderful "siestas" can. I am a work in progress and that will come with the study I am undertaking. However, I choose to believe the promises of the "Word". I am promised joy. I am promised peace. I am promised abundantly more than I ever imagined. I am promised happiness. Most importantly I am promised eternal life through my blessed savior Jesus. How lucky I am.

FAINT NOT....for we shall reap in DUE SEASON!!!!! Pray for SPRING for me darling siestas!!!!
This is the day that the Lord has made.
I SHALL rejoice and BE GLAD IN IT!!
Bless ya'll!

The Great Church Dilemma

I am appealing to my Siestas out there for advice, prayer and whatever else they care to offer. Here is the situation.

I am living in a small town (WAY SMALL). That probably says it all to some of you. As a big city girl, I found coming here to be a blessing, an escape, a peaceful kinda thang!!! I was warned early on by a few kind friends... be careful!!! Don't talk to anyone, don't let people know your business. Well, good grief, I really didn't think too much of it, because I learned a hard lesson long ago "The World Does Not Revolve Around Kristin"! I lived in big cities where my problems were insignificant to the masses. Well around here, boy howdy, I guess I could become "HEADLINES". The one place I felt safe discussing issues and problems became the one place that was the WORST! I have since stopped going to Church and, in fact, am seriously considering whether I really belong here or whether God has other things in mind.

While not going into too many details because this IS a small town and who knows who is reading this Blog, my private pain and personal life has been run through the gossip mill. Things that happened one way are being told in an entirely different way. In fact, I was told one specific person from my church congretation is telling other people "Stay away from her and her family." WOW!!! It sent me back to my school days when no one liked me and the harder I tried to be friendly the worse it got.

I am back to second guessing who I am and what my purpose is. I am sad, angry, frightened, confused and down right irritated all at the same time. I am also frustrated because being angry at being judged is making me JUDGE OTHERS!!! AGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!

What does scripture say about Church specifically? I still believe God is non-denominational despite attempts of Satan to the contrary. Do I have to go to Church? Can I homechurch??? Can I church hop? What do you do when your reputation is harmed and things are being said that are absolutely unfair and untrue? What do you do when the rumors contain truths that have been twisted? Do you fight back? Ask God for revenge? Ask God for mercy for them "for they know not what they do"?

This is a serious situation and frankly, I am scared to death. I hate sitting in church. I no longer enjoy worshipping and praising around these people. I feel watched and scrutinized and judged (and dear siestas it is NOT my imagination... I really am). One person even made a comment when I sent my children to church without me with my ex-husband..."Your kids have never behaved better!!!" OUCH! This person actually called me to let me know that my kids behaved better with me not there. Another person's child actually was rude to me at a social function and literally stared down her nose at me and turned her back and rolled her eyes when I said hello to her. This is what we are teaching our children by gossip. They hear what we say about others and then in public settings they behave in a completely inappropriate manner. Now I know this is a child but her behavior was UNBELIEVABLE. Do you tell the parent? Or do you act like a grown-up and ignore this ugliness like I am trying to teach my daughter? (Who by the way is getting snubbed too!!)

Maybe I am being petty and small, but these are just a few examples and there are LOTS more but they just don't bare repeating any further than what I have poured out to God.

The issue is what do I do? I am thankful for any comments and pray God will send me some wisdom through you!

Blessings to all!!!

God is For Everyone

I started blogging and writing a while ago and realized I was writing to "impress" people with Christianity I am.... sorry everyone...wrong approach. God is impressive without my help. I am a miracle of God and He does not need me to impress you.

I am a human being trying to make it to heaven and suffering just like everyone else trying to make it to heaven. For those of you out there that are just plain suffering....SUFFER FOR THE LORD it is a much better way to go.

I truly empathize and care very much for those out there depressed, financially burdended, hurt, picked on, used, abused, misunderstood, sad, angry, empty, lonely and unsaved....I am right there with you but with one difference, when I die I will go to Heaven thanks to my salvation through Jesus Christ. For those of you that might read this that have not decided to invite Christ in your life or poo poo God or church or the Bible... please look at it from a different point of view. I beg of you!

Life is hard enough, but its even worse without having something to look forward to. At the very least I have heaven to look forward to. If i believed all this time and it turns out that I was wrong (which I'm not), then I am no worse off, but I think of all of you that have suffered so much and when you die and think you are going to find peace in death... you won't because the ONLY WAY TO PEACE, JOY & EVERLASTING LIFE is through BELIEF in Jesus Christ. I truly ache for my brothers and sisters out there that have not found FAITH!!!!

Okay, let me put this yet another way...because as you can tell I talk ALOT. I used to blame God for all the bad stuff in my life. God is punishing me, God is mad at me, God is trying to teach me a lesson....only to find out that just about every bad thing that has happened is a direct result of Satan! When I stopped fighting God and began to fight Satan, things began to take on a different perspective. It is a much better battle and you will gain some much needed sanity. I personally like knowing I am fighting on the winning team. PUT ON THE FULL ARMOR OF GOD!

If you want proof of the existence of God...look at the wonderful world He created. Read the Bible and learn about history. If you like Drama - God is the DRAMA KING!!!! You like intrigue read about Joseph. Now there was a blessed man and yet look how he suffered. For that matter JOB! Now there is a case and study on total disaster!

If you need proof of the existence of Satan...look at what is being done to the world God created. Little by little we are being fooled into believing that God causes death, sickness, poverty, snobbery, greed, sadness. My friends it is SATAN! He is the Prince of Darkness and all those things are dark, evil. I honestly have to say that the more I open my heart to God the more I am shown just how much Satan had me fooled. Trapped in a pit of depression and oppression.

I was a bi-polar, addicted, depressed, overweight, sad, frightened, physically and mentally abused, messed up, frightened, misunderstood, lonely person. One day God took me into His care and said CHILD... stop and read my WORD. This is my motto. Through good times and bad for all you out there:

JEREMIAH 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

PEACE BE WITH YOU ALL. May you truly know that I am your friend and so is God.