I am appealing to my Siestas out there for advice, prayer and whatever else they care to offer. Here is the situation.
I am living in a small town (WAY SMALL). That probably says it all to some of you. As a big city girl, I found coming here to be a blessing, an escape, a peaceful kinda thang!!! I was warned early on by a few kind friends... be careful!!! Don't talk to anyone, don't let people know your business. Well, good grief, I really didn't think too much of it, because I learned a hard lesson long ago "The World Does Not Revolve Around Kristin"! I lived in big cities where my problems were insignificant to the masses. Well around here, boy howdy, I guess I could become "HEADLINES". The one place I felt safe discussing issues and problems became the one place that was the WORST! I have since stopped going to Church and, in fact, am seriously considering whether I really belong here or whether God has other things in mind.
While not going into too many details because this IS a small town and who knows who is reading this Blog, my private pain and personal life has been run through the gossip mill. Things that happened one way are being told in an entirely different way. In fact, I was told one specific person from my church congretation is telling other people "Stay away from her and her family." WOW!!! It sent me back to my school days when no one liked me and the harder I tried to be friendly the worse it got.
I am back to second guessing who I am and what my purpose is. I am sad, angry, frightened, confused and down right irritated all at the same time. I am also frustrated because being angry at being judged is making me JUDGE OTHERS!!! AGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!
What does scripture say about Church specifically? I still believe God is non-denominational despite attempts of Satan to the contrary. Do I have to go to Church? Can I homechurch??? Can I church hop? What do you do when your reputation is harmed and things are being said that are absolutely unfair and untrue? What do you do when the rumors contain truths that have been twisted? Do you fight back? Ask God for revenge? Ask God for mercy for them "for they know not what they do"?
This is a serious situation and frankly, I am scared to death. I hate sitting in church. I no longer enjoy worshipping and praising around these people. I feel watched and scrutinized and judged (and dear siestas it is NOT my imagination... I really am). One person even made a comment when I sent my children to church without me with my ex-husband..."Your kids have never behaved better!!!" OUCH! This person actually called me to let me know that my kids behaved better with me not there. Another person's child actually was rude to me at a social function and literally stared down her nose at me and turned her back and rolled her eyes when I said hello to her. This is what we are teaching our children by gossip. They hear what we say about others and then in public settings they behave in a completely inappropriate manner. Now I know this is a child but her behavior was UNBELIEVABLE. Do you tell the parent? Or do you act like a grown-up and ignore this ugliness like I am trying to teach my daughter? (Who by the way is getting snubbed too!!)
Maybe I am being petty and small, but these are just a few examples and there are LOTS more but they just don't bare repeating any further than what I have poured out to God.
The issue is what do I do? I am thankful for any comments and pray God will send me some wisdom through you!
Blessings to all!!!
9 comments:
Being in church is so important, but I don't feel that church is the one you should be in. Are there other churches you can attend? Getting away from that church is what I suggest. Do find a church where you receive godly teaching and fellowship.
I found you through Beth Moore's blog and I want you to know, I am praying for you!
Do not let Satan talk you into believing that you need to pull away from the body of believers! One lone sheep is left to herself and WHAM--he's got you in a pit faster than you think!
Praise Jesus for the Body and seek out (prayerfully!) women with Jesus-like hearts! Ask Jesus to bring them to you! Women YOU can serve and love on!
Have you tried looking for MOPS groups in your area? Your son is a preschooler, right? MOPS is a group of believing moms...married, single, teen...with preschoolers (and their siblings) just looking for friends to hold them up!
I was richly blessed by MOPS as a new believer years ago and I pray you can find a like-group in your area.
Father, I pray for Your hedge of protection around this sweet sister. She has a heart for Jesus and is looking for ladies who will love her and hold her up. I pray above all else, though, Father, that You will be her Husband, her protection and her strength. Let her seek no other Savior but rather invest her life in the work of your kingdom. I pray You'd bind Satan and keep him from tempting her to self-pity thinking. Keep her sweet heart soft that she would live a life of poured out service for Your glory, that her sweet children would be nourished from the fruit she bears. To the praise and glory of the Only One worthy, Jesus. Amen.
I too found you off Beth's blog. I have been SO SO hurt in church and as a pastors wife, still have scars and issues that keep my guard up. I feel my suggestion for you does not come from there but from the truth. Your situation sounds unhealthy. We should be in church and fellowship somewhere. But, small town or no, find another church. There is nothing more misearable than suffering through an unhealthy church life. Its supposed to be life giving and, though difficult at times, it is supposed to be building us up, not tearing us down and defeating us. It is God ordained to be our support system and anchor. start looking around, even in another nearby town. God will lead you. Seek Him and dont give up. There are too many good churches to suffer thru a bad one.
I found you on Beths blog as well. I have to say I agree with Cassandra. I too am a BIG city girl now living in a VERY small town. Never in my life did I think so many people would know all my buiness! Ugh!!!
But, if God put you in this town, dont leave until He moves you. Do look for another church. From personal experience, there will always be problems in churches because we are all sinners, but you need to feel accepted as well. And even in a small town you can find a good church.
My, my, I wish you could come to our church! They are so loving.
So many times, we want God to tell us something. Well, honey, I think He is sending you a telegram and may be saying, "Honey, get the heck out of Dodge!" God wants church to be a good experience. He spent most of the new testament writing about it. Read all of Paul's letters. They are to the churches. The Bible says that Christians are known by the love they have for ONE ANOTHER. No church is perfect, and church should be full of real people, but not mean people. God is not happy with what these people are doing and He is sad for you. Don't quit going because Heb. 10:25 urges us to not give up going. I'm up east and there are so few churches, but where you are, there should be plenty. There's a good one out there just for you and your family. There are wonderful children's ministries who will love your children and wonderful places where you can serve. I will pray for you to find one quickly.
Hi Kristin,
I came over from Beth's blog. I wanted to let you know that I will be praying for you.
As much as I don't like to think about it... often the people in the church (building) don't act like Jesus would have HIS church (the redeemed bride of Christ)to act. God so wants us to love each other... he doesn't just want it, He commanded it. Sadly, that is not always what happens.
I am so sorry that you going through this. But... please remember that "they" are not Jesus. He welcomes you to come to Him. He designed His church to be unified and loving. Hebrews 10:19-25 tells us to perservere in our calling. We are to spur one another on and encourage one another. We need the fellowship of HIS church. He tells us not to forsake the meeting together.
He would also have you to love and forgive them. I know that it is a hard pill to swallow, but it is the right thing to do. Please know that I am saying this in love. Sometimes the only thing that can make me feel better about being wronged is knowing that my response to the wrong was right in the eyes of the Lord. I know how difficult that can be... but Jesus gave us all of His "rights" to save us... sometimes giving up our "rights" is what it takes to be free.
I would seek God about changing churches... that may be His plan for you. He desires for you to worship Him. It sounds like all of this makes your worship difficult. He wants to use you.
And... I am going to step out on a limb here and confess that I think that many in the church are not really "real". They are all gussied up on the outside and falling apart on the inside. Matthew 23 tells us seven woes... verses 23-28 talks about being one way on the outside and another way on the inside. I am at such a point in my walk with the Lord that I have realized that unless I am real to others, they will not be able to see His transforming power. Some people in the church building are not ready for "real". That is where the pain and hurt comes for some, and the self-rightousness for others. Okay... that is enough of that. But... please know that it is an area close to my heart.
I will be praying for you to feel His guidance. You can contact me if you would like.
Blessings to you,
Lynn
I found your blog through Beth Moore's blog and your dilemma spoke to me. I am a single gal who has been through some struggles. I have been through church splits and I believe it is so sad that we as the church do to each other.
I just want you to know that I am praying for you. I ask that God would give you wisdom and peace. I pray that God would show you to the church that you should go to. What Satan wants to do to us is to distract us from the Father. I pray that you would find the church that God wants us to receive love, fellowship, and the place where God wants you to serve.
In Christ,
Laura
I write about some church stuff on my blog... I am sorry you have been hurt. Of course all my advice is just mine, seek God for the real answer. I would say leave that church for sure... And until you find where you are to be, just get some good bible studies and some good worship music and You spend some time alone with God. I have never been closer to God than I am right now and I have not been in a church in a while. I think church is important, and I am ready to be back in it, but sometimes God has a plan for us that takes us out of four walls. If you like to read check out velvet Elvis by Rob Bell. I could talk all day on this one
Hi! I also found you through Beth's blog and I wanted to send you a big hug along with my prayers. First of all, it does not sound like you need to be in that church. I don't know how many options you have around you, but remember you can even drive to another town if you find a church that welcomes you. And don't be afraid to look outside your current denomination. As a mother of young children, you NEED to be surrounded by love and support from your church family. Most people have no idea how stressful it is to raise little ones and how much their judgement adds to your pain. I am thinking of Casting Crown's song, "If we are the body." Unfortunately it is too true for today's "believers." But there are still churches out there who are willing to reach out to anyone and do the work of Christ. Whatever you do, don't pull out of church completely. You may need to "church hop" as you put it, at least until you find your new home.
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